quietly falling

bottom line. i'm exhausted. this has been an interesting journey, and a long one at that. i can tell i'm slowing fading, quietly falling away from this part of my life. i want more, i want different. after five years in this charming little town, i've run out of love for it. i want a change of scenery. i think my move to vegas will be just enough. i can tell kevin is tired. i see it in his eyes. we're both trying to accomplish something that, even now at 6 weeks away, still feels unattainable. where is the desire, the enthusiasm that i used to have for my art? i wanted to be this great artist. i wanted to be known or atleast heard of. i wanted a life that was mine, a life i could say that i built all on my own, a life without children or complications. i wanted to only have to rely on myself. now, i find myself being okay with relying on him. i know that together we'll be better than i ever would have apart. now i don't see myself famous, standing on a stage singing, i don't see my art being hung in the galleries of the world--i see myself with him, caring for his babies and making his breakfast, pressing his shirts. all my BIG dreams have fizzled and i just dream of the real world. i want to learn how to make his favorite omelet and how to teach his children to be respectful and obey. i want to make him feel like he is the most important man in my life--or atleast a close second to my father. is it so weird that my dreams have taken such a turn? should i want to be a more independent woman? or is it okay to rely on that one man that still takes my breath away? i don't think it's that i don't dream anymore--i think it's that he became my dream.