i want to start over

I just really can’t seem to catch a break. Just warning you that this is gonna be a whiny, bitchy, poor me, my life couldn’t get any worse, woe is me post. You may want to get out now. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

--why the hell can’t I figure out this camera stuff? It shouldn’t be this hard. I should be able to work on my digital camera stuff because that’s what I want to do in the future. Why should I have to learn old techniques that won’t be used in this generation? I want to learn what I want to learn.

--I keep getting sick. It’s not fair. I have so much stuff that I need to do and I can’t because I’m sick. Now I’m stuck here choking down all this water…and for what?

--kevin is really struggling in school. I feel so bad for him. There’s nothing I can do to help him and that’s what hurts the most. It’s not fair that he is having such a hard time and getting so down on himself. He’s so smart and yet, he can’t seem to realize that. I really hope he can pull through this in one piece.

--why is mom’s weekend always at the worst possible weekend? Don’t get me wrong…I have so much fun when my mom comes down. I just have so much going on this weekend and next week, it’d be nice to have it another weekend. Karen, Stephanie, Kevin, Lindsi, Sophia, Amy, and my mom are all coming down. Great…now they all get to see my shitty apartment. Yay.

--I wish I was engaged.

--I want to adopt children but I’m afraid that people will think that I’m not doing my womanly duty of carrying a child. It’s so not fair. What about all the children that aren’t wanted? Why should they have to suffer just because society thinks it’s my duty to carry my own children? What to do, what to do.

--I’m afraid Kevin and I are going to move to Vegas then he’s going to like it and force me to stay there for longer than I want to. There are not opportunities that I desire there. I am just going to be by his side, to make sure he’s okay. I feel like he doesn’t want to grow up, he doesn’t want the responsibilities of an adult and as a result of that, he is running back home to his mommy.

--I hate Verizon. Is it really hard for them to honor their customers? Every phone I’ve gotten from them has broken thus far. I just want to get a phone that works. I feel so out of the loop without one.

--I’m trying to lose weight, right? It’s just so hard. How did I let it get this far? Why can’t I just have some self control? Or god-forbid, make some smart decisions. It’s not fair that I like food so much. And it’s even more not fair that I was given these genes without my permission.

--I want to start over.