why marry?

my last post just got me thinking. why do people get married? apart from any religious affiliations to the constitution of marriage, why do people want to get married? kevin asked me that question once and, to be honest, i couldn't come up with a very good answer. i said the whole spiel about wanting him for the rest of my life, being in love with him and all that jazz. but i couldn't figure out why i really wanted to get married...

of course, every girl wants to wear the white dress. every girl wants to see that man they are walking towards at the altar that only has eyes for you. every girl wants to feel like she is good enough for somebody else, so good that marriage is the only want to bind them together. but that's the problem. why am i not good enough just for myself? why does a man have to be my validation in this world? why does a little piece of paper hanging on the wall make my relationship any more justified or strong than it already is? i don't think i need a piece of paper to continue my relationship. how is that paper supposed to keep kevin and i together? and why would it keep us from getting a divorce? marriage is not a trap to keep someone with you. it's highly unlikely that we would avoid a divorce solely because of the paper on the wall. when it comes down to it, it's not about the paper. it's not about the rings. it's not about the dress. it's about our commitment to each other. it's about a trust in each other and our intentions. he loves me and i love him. no paper is needed to know that. i don't need the world's validation. i don't need to stand in front of a zillion people to be given the "okay" to do all the things i want to do in this life. i belong to me. i don't belong to anybody else. my heart is my possession.

why do people think that just because kevin and i aren't married, our relationship isn't real? i feel more for him than anyone else in the world. it's not like the day of our wedding, we are suddenly really going to be in love...we already are. it's kind of like the idea of sex and virginity. every virgin thinks their life is going to be dramatically different once they have sex, like right after it happens they are just going to become who they really are supposed to be. like they've been waiting forever and then enlightenment is finally going to happen after the sex does. it's not like that. sex doesn't change you. marriage doesn't change you. you change yourself.

i could live with kevin for the rest of my life and never marry him. i could have kids with him. i could build a life with him. i could have a lasting commitment to him. why does a party and a white dress suddenly make all those things change from "unacceptable in society" (ie. having babies out of wedlock, shacking up, etc) to "acceptable"? it's like drinking. when i turned 21, i didn't feel any different than i was when i was 20 but yet, i could finally drink. i remember thinking "i don't feel any different". it wasn't that big of a deal. i just think people feel that marriage is going to change them, that it's going to finally validate their existence in society and they are finally going to BELONG to somebody else. i know that kevin and i don't need a paper signed from the state of Oregon to keep our relationship. the rings are just materialistic symbols. the vows are repeated and not even a original thought. the dress is beautiful but, at the end of the day, it's just a dress. i just want him. the wedding is just the icing on the cake.